gelatins:

hello, is this mcdonalds? ah yes, i would like to make reservations for 2

internetexplorers:

we could be married with like 4 kids and i’d still be too scared to text you first

peregr1ne:

my mom is trying to pick a colour for her new wheelchair and me and my dad are telling her to get black and she’s just like “but how will I know if someone is stealing it” and my dad is just like “because you’ll be sitting on the floor” and she slapped him

africans:

i drop a piece of weed and it fell in a spider web and the spider was like “my nigga” and we fist pounded

(Source: cowboybeboop)